This is the 12th Chapter of “The House in The Lake”.
He actually remained, silent and almost immovable, right there for three hours. I say “almost”, for he never stopped caressing my knee. And me, in return, I never stopped caressing his hair. I didn’t speak though. And – to be honest – I didn’t get bored. Horny, yes. He is naked, after all, and I can’t say my eyes never left his beautiful and peaceful face to look elsewhere. Elsewhere on his body, not elsewhere in general.
So, yes, I got horny and hard again, but still, I didn’t want to awaken him. I don’t know if asleep and, therefore, awake are the proper words, but, as I said, he really looked like he was asleep.
And, yes, I was thinking, most of the time, what I wanted to do to him and with him, but this didn’t start right away. So, before the sexual thoughts started, I was trying to comprehend him with my simple, human mind.
I won’t even pretend I succeeded in doing this, though. If anything, I ended up with more questions than answers. But I’m a human, and have been living on this earth for just eighteen years. He has been living on the Sacred Lake for five thousand years, and who knows how long he was alive before coming here? So, even if his divine mind and soul don’t work in a different way to ours, what hope had I had of really understanding him?
But, you know, sometimes understanding somebody and knowing them are two different things, and the one doesn’t require the other. And I feel like I know him. So, maybe, I mostly found out, or realised, what I already knew, mostly, of him, rather than about him.
I think he is very sweet and gentle. Not just with me. I think that’s how he is. For example, I don’t know what he saw on the beach, and what thoughts ran in his mind because of that, but! I saw one thing. He does watch over us. He cares about us. What I saw in his face and his whole pose wasn’t curiosity. I don’t know what else there was in it, but there was a loving care in his look. I can imagine a God blessing the fragile and stupid humans looking just like that.
So, maybe, the part of the story saying he blesses us with good crops and plenty of fish isn’t really off the mark. Maybe!
And from a more personal point of view, he never, ever, has given me an angry or disappointed look. I don’t mean only during these days I’m here. I mean in all the long years I’ve been seeing him from the shore. I’ve sent him more than a few spiteful messages, not only on the first full moon of the year, but also in other cases. My prayers to him have been mostly threatening and condemning. Not really prayers, as you can see. And what has he done?
He’s kept on smiling at me, waving at me, allowing me to see him, his house and his rock. Because, let’s face it, he does that. It’s not my special talent! And when I came? He knew very well what I’ve come here for. What did he do? He welcomed me warmly and said he loves me. And… honestly? I feel nothing but love from him.
And not only that. I was stupid enough to think I could come and kill a God, just like that. And maybe he isn’t a God, but he is divine and immortal. He could have crushed my boat and me on the reefs and I would have died without even setting foot on the rock. If he had wanted to play with me more, he could have killed me when I came here. He could have even enslaved me. But what did he do?
He promised not to play tricks on me. He takes the best possible care of me. He gives me the best sexual satisfaction I could ever imagine experiencing. He secures me in his hug when I fall asleep – I have never before slept as peacefully as I keep sleeping in his hug. And more importantly of all? He gave me the power to kill him. Just like that!
So, yes, I can’t understand him, but how could I ever feel not-loved?
And, you know? He isn’t the offspring of some minor deity. He is the grandson of the Sun God. One of the greatest Gods under the Supreme Ones. Even his Demigod sons are considered more powerful than many Gods. Whoever is Lugh’s father, I bet he could make me and my whole homeland disappear in the blink of an eye. His grandfather? I don’t even want to think about it! And they surely know I’m with their offspring and why I’m here, but they haven’t even come to threaten me.
The Sun God is supposed to be a very loving and caring God. If he has a soft heart for each and every being, isn’t it only natural for him to have an even softer heart for his grandson? So, isn’t it a rational assumption that it’s Lugh who protects me from his wrath?
And it’s not like I’m any especially hot and beautiful guy. I’m sure he has seen millions of more beautiful guys than me in his long stay here. And he is divinely beautiful! Not to mention he is descended from the bloodline of the fairest of Gods and the fairest tribe of the Elementals! So, why the special treatment? I’m not special at all!
Well, maybe only on one point – at least according to Lugh. I’m the only one who has ever called him a beast. But he doesn’t look like a psychopath who loves to be hated. So why – according to him, again – did he fall for me because of that?
And on that note… “You think they’ll come to hate the God of the Lake? You think they’ll call him a beast?” He did ask that. And he sounded like he wanted me to reassure him they will.
This question puzzles me in more than one ways. But mostly because he seems like he wants people to hate what he did… Did? He has never actually said he did it, but nor has he said he didn’t do it. But if he did do what he supposedly did, wouldn’t he have wanted people to admire him for that? Or, at least, fear him? Would a murderer want people to hate him for being one? Even if the said murderer had come to realise what he did was wrong, wouldn’t he have preferred people to understand his situation and… forgive him? Maybe not forgive him, but excuse him, at the very least?
But does he even try to make me understand his reasons? Does he even try to make me see that there are other points of view, apart from mine? Has he ever even hinted that I may be wrong, in any possible way? Does he even try to make me unwilling to kill him?
No! To each and every one of these questions, the answer is no! What are you thinking, Lugh?
And right then, he turns his head, just a little, to peck my thigh, and I realise he heard my question. Of course, he did!
I feel more ashamed than exposed. I don’t really mind that he is able to hear my thoughts, when addressed to him. I don’t mind much if he actually has heard the rest of my thoughts, as well. But I do mind that I distracted him from whatever he was doing and thinking.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper and I stoop to kiss his hair.
As I admire, once again, his beautiful, peaceful face I realise, more clearly than ever before, how secure and safe I feel being with him. The idea that somebody would have been able to listen to my thoughts would have normally scared me a lot. Were I in such a person’s presence, I would have tried to control my thinking as much as possible, and felt annoyed and exposed if even a “what a nice weather” kind of thought had escaped my control.
But with Lugh? He can listen to anything! I really do not mind. I don’t know why, but I don’t. If anything, the fact that he can makes me feel even more comfortable.
And he doesn’t need to be “present”, apparently. He said he can hear all the prayers and adorations addressed to him. And where I come from? Oh, dear! People pray to the God of the Lake for just about anything!
“May the God of the Lake bless your day.” “May the God of the Lake help you get good marks.” “May the God of the Lake help me win the lottery.” “May the God of the Lake give you a pleasant sleep.” “May the God of the Lake give me an easy pooping!” Ok! I sincerely hope nobody really prays for the last one, but you get the point!
So, I bet, when he is with me, spending his time so fully focused on whatever stupid thing I may say, he has all this noise in his head. And he probably tries to distinguish what he needs to pay attention to and what not. And yet he is so calm, and peaceful, and he doesn’t fail to notice anything I say and do.
Oh, my Gods! He is divine, indeed, and I’m trying to comprehend him? Not happening! But I can’t help feeling honoured by this special treatment. And even more loved.
“I love him!”
Yes, I felt the need to express that, in my thoughts, and I knew if I were to use “you” instead, he would hear it. It’s not like I don’t want him to realise how I feel. He already knows. But I don’t want to distract him again.
So, I try to distract myself, and try to gaze at the lake. But I chose the wrong way to turn my face to. Instead of looking away from him, my eyes landed on his ass. Have I said his ass is perfect looking? It is! And you do remember he is naked, right? So, you know how my sexual thoughts started.
And about three hours after he lay in my lap, he turns to me, smilingly.
“Are you trying to get me horny for you? For you don’t really need to try!”